


I'm Not Ok (But It's Ok)

by goldtrim_bluerose



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Season 3 Finale, Self-Hatred, Shaun and Lim are an underrated duo, Shaun blames himself for Melendez’s death, Soft Lim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:41:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28841787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldtrim_bluerose/pseuds/goldtrim_bluerose
Summary: Lim tells Shaun about Melendez’s death.
Relationships: Audrey Lim/Neil Melendez, Shaun Murphy & Audrey Lim
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	I'm Not Ok (But It's Ok)

**Author's Note:**

> Just like everyone else, I wondered how Shaun would react to Melendez's death. This is my take on it.

It had been a busy few hours since Melendez died leaving Lim and Claire no choice but to adjust to the new, terrifying reality they had to face without him by their side. 

Park had remained quiet while Lim delivered the news, listening to every single word with his full attention. Morgan asked a handful of questions but in the end, she had a hint of regret painted on her face. It was understandable that they were flustered with the sudden news after a long 24 hours but to Lim’s surprise, they took it better than she had expected. 

Then there was her third resident, who’s reaction could vary from nothing to a whole lot of something in the matter of seconds. Making sure no one else had to die today along with finding Shaun and telling him was her top priority this morning. 

“Have you seen Dr. Murphy?” Lim asked, coming up behind Claire who was busy typing on a computer. Claire shook her head. “He’s probably running late.” Lim sighed and thanked the resident. Still determined, Lim wandered around the hallways in search of Shaun.

A good five minutes later, she decided it was best to head to her office, in order to avoid people who wanted to send their condolences. Even though she appreciated their concern about the situation, she was instantly reminded of everything the previous night came with every time they sent their regards.

Lim drew a deep breath in and out. Sitting down in her chair she realized how much she couldn’t bare the thought of telling Shaun that Melendez had died. As much as she wanted to find Shaun, a part of her didn’t. She didn’t want him to know what happened, but deep down she knew he had a right to know.

A knock on the door put her thoughts on pause. Lim turned her attention to the doorway. She had finally found Shaun. Well technically he found her, sitting in her chair, lost in her thoughts. “Claire said you were looking for me.” Shaun stated.

“Close the door.” Lim motioned for him to sit. Shaun dutifully closed the door and took a seat in the chair in front of her. “How are you?” She knew it was best to start small, especially with Shaun. “I am okay, not the best because I was late but that’s okay.” He answered. Lim gave a soft smile. “I’m glad to hear that.” Shaun stared at Lim with questioning eyes. 

“If you were looking for me to ask how I was then, why did you sound so urgent when you spoke to Claire?” They stared at each other for another second. “I wanted to make sure that you were okay after- after last night.” She knew he heard her slip up. She knew he heard the pang in her voice when she mentioned last night. 

Hearing his phone ding off, Shaun reached down to his pocket and fished out his phone. Once he read whatever message was sent to him he instantly got out of his chair. “I have to go.” He dropped the phone back into his pocket and looked at her for the go ahead signal. 

“Where do you need to go?” Lim questioned, getting up herself. “I have to do paperwork which will take me about forty minutes then I need to have lunch which will take me half an hour.” He moved towards the door and pulled it open in a slightly rushed manner. Giving one final look at her he stepped out to leave. 

“Shaun.” She called. He stopped with his foot halfway out the door and turned his head a bit to face her. “He’s gone.” Lim spat out. It took him a second to process what she said. “Dr. Melendez,” She felt the lump in her throat grow as she said his name. “He died this morning.” Lim knew Shaun heard her. He stood frozen in place for another second. 

“No,” He whispered to himself and turned around to face her. “No. No. No.” He walked over to her. “He is not. He is not.” He repeated. “Shaun,” Lim began. “No. He is not gone.” He continued and began pacing the room. 

“Shaun.” Lim called firmly. Shaun stopped in place. “He died from the internal injuries caused by the earthquake.” Lim revealed. When she finished talking, he pushed past her and bolted out the room, leaving the door open.

Lim walked over to the door, closed it. She felt her legs grow heavy and she eventually gave up standing and let herself sink to the ground. Lim quietly leaned her head against the door and prayed that no one would come looking for her. 

After working all night, Lim hadn’t had time to process her emotions. _“I could have spent a lifetime drinking whiskey with you.”_ Melendez’s words tore through her head. He was right. They could have. But they didn’t and it was all because of her. 

That night she had been so incredibly selfish. She broke up with him for something she thought would make her happy. Sure her dreams made her happy, but he made her happier. 

Looking back, Lim came to the realization that she didn’t even bother to think about how he would feel about it. If she knew how hard it would be to live life without him she wouldn’t have done it, she wouldn't have broken up with him. 

Lim felt quick and heavy tears roll down her cheek. She just let the repressed tears spill over, one by one. She sat on the ground wondering what she could have done differently, maybe then Shaun wouldn’t be in the state he was in. She wished she had waited till the end of the day, then perhaps she would have felt more confident admitting the truth out loud. 

Without warning the phone sitting on her desk rang off. She shot her head up and after realizing it was her phone ringing off, she slowly got off the ground and walked over. She took a deep breath before answering.

“Dr. Lim.” She listened for a brief moment before answering back. “No, no, just- I’m on my way.” She hung up and ran out of her office. 

Lim took the stairs to the locker room, deciding it would be quicker than waiting for the elevator. When she reached her destination, she swung the glass door open and ran out into the hallway. She made her way through a group of people and when she reached the doorway, she froze at the sight before her. 

Both Park and Claire were on the floor kneeling beside Shaun who had his knees up to his chest and was breathing hard. Lim stood there speechless. She turned to address the small but noticeable group of people.

“How long has he been like that?” She asked. One nurse stepped forward to answer. “He was like that when we found him, which was a few minutes ago.” Lim narrowed her eyebrow. “We?” The nurse hesitated for a moment before speaking up. “Dr. Park, Dr. Browne and myself.”

Lim walked over to the pair who was speaking reassuringly to Shaun. “May I speak to both of you?” The pair looked up at her and hesitated before following her out the room. 

“What happened?” Lim asks. Park and Claire exchanged glances then Park spoke up. “We aren't sure, one minute he was fine and then he wasn’t.” Claire nodded in agreement. “What do you think set him off?” Lim asked, turning her attention back to Park. 

“That’s what we were trying to find. It might have been something we did or maybe something we said,” Park began. _More like something I said,_ Lim mentally chastised herself. “But we didn’t find anything.” Claire finished. 

Claire glanced over at Lim who was staring at the locker room door. “Are you going to go in?” She asked. Lim nodded. “Go back to your patient, Dr. Murphy won’t be joining you on this one.” They both hesitated but didn’t bother to ask why. She watched them make their way down the hall and press for the elevator. 

Once they were fully out of sight, she walked over to the locker room door. Lim quickly checked to make sure no one was watching her while she slowly pushed the door open. She quietly and carefully made her way to the middle of the room trying not to startle Shaun.

Sighing, she crouched down in front of Shaun and took a good look at him. He looked as if he had just seen a ghost. He was shaking and his breathing had slowed down a bit. 

Lim moved to his right and sat down next to him. “I’m sorry, I should have phrased it better or waited for a better time to tell you but-” She stopped. She didn’t know how to continue. As a matter of fact she didn’t want to continue.

Moment’s of silence passed by and Shaun was still tensed up with his knees pulled up to his chest but seemed to acknowledge her presence in the room. “I could not save him.” Shaun whispered then looked down at the ground. 

“I couldn’t save him either.” She secretly hoped they were referring to the same person. “Neither could Claire or Glassman.” Lim added, waiting for his reaction.

“I chose to save Lea instead of going back to the hospital. I chose to save Lea over Dr. Melendez. If I had gone with you, maybe- maybe I could have saved him. But I couldn’t. I didn’t even try.” 

“Shaun, even if you had come back with us, there was nothing you could have done.”

“Y-You don’t know that.”

“I do because-” She cut herself off. No. She couldn’t let out all her anger, guilt and sadness. Not now and especially not to him. He’s been through enough. She took another second to gather her thoughts.

“Shaun, I want you to know that he is proud of you.”

“He shouldn't be.”

“Why?”

“Because I- I failed.”

“You didn’t fail.”

“I did.” 

“Look, if we are playing the blame game, then we are all at fault in some form.” 

Silence filled the room then Shaun spoke up. 

“Why did you give up on him?”

Lim was caught off guard. She blinked twice and sat there staring at him. “On Dr. Melendez.” Shaun clarified. Lim didn’t know how to answer his question. She wants to say that she didn’t and would never give up on him but she knows that it isn’t the right answer. 

“There were no other options.” Lim replied, biting her lip. “You could have run more tests or done surgery or-” Shaun took a deep breath but didn’t finish his sentence. 

Lim heard a sob. She watched as some tears streamed down Shaun’s face. Seconds later he frantically rubbed them away leaving a red mark from the pressure of his hand.

“Tears are not a weakness, Shaun. Tears show how strong you are and how strong you’ve always been.” Lim explains looking in another direction to give Shaun some form of privacy. She holds her breath not sure how he would respond to her attempt at comforting him. 

“I am not strong.” Shaun begins. 

“You were strong enough to overcome what you thought to be impossible.” Lim points out. 

“I thought it was impossible to get my job back after Dr. Han fired me.” 

“Clearly it wasn’t. You are here today because he tried so hard to fix you but in the end he must’ve realized that you are much tougher than you look.” 

Shaun remains quiet, thinking to himself. “How do you fix someone that is already broken?” 

“You try and if they break, you try again and don’t give up.” Lim answers with a hint of determination in her voice.

“My brother never gave up on me but I am still-still the way I am.”

Lim sighs and Shaun continues.

“I can’t change. I just see things differently.”

“You can use the way you see things differently from others to change.”

“I can’t change that my brother died. I can’t change that my rabbit died. I can’t change the fact that Dr. Melendez died. I can’t change the fact that I never had the chance to say goodbye to any of them.”

“Your right, you can’t change any of that, no one can, but all you can do now is make peace with it and move on.”

“I have made peace with my brother and my rabbit but I have not moved on from them.”

“No matter how painful and hard it is, we have to move on and let go of the past, eventually.”

“Are you moving on from Dr. Melendez?”

“Never.”

Shaun nods his head in understanding. Lim watches as he gets up to leave, hoping she has managed to help him in some way. She struggles to find the words for the moment they just shared but in turn, she feels fulfilled knowing that she won’t have to move on from Melendez, not yet anyways.


End file.
